The horror...

So it's all go this week. I'm moving in with my boyfriend, which involves a massive amount of downsizing. I have a wee box of DVDs and games and several bags of clothes which will be finding new homes, and yet I still have so much more than I can comfortably fit in a van... It's going to get interesting. 4 years accrues a lot. I know: no posts in forever, then the blander than bland post. I guess this is what a relationship will do to you. :P I'm beginning teacher training in a couple of months, so I think I'm going to make a concise effort to blog so I have stuff for my reflection on practice. That is, if I survive this move.

You know, it's been so long since I posted in this blog, I had actually lost all recollection of the posts I did make. I think I want to give blogging another go. I feel like I never write anymore so at least this will give me an outlet, even if no one reads it. :)

It seems fitting that the last post on it was the one I made immediately after finishing Mass Effect 2, though. Why? Because this Friday I finally get to play the game I have been waiting 2 years to play: Mass Effect 3! OK, so you Americans are probably halfway through it by now, but give me a break: we got a delayed release. My expectations of it are uncertain. It just might be the greatest game in the history of the universe. Unfortunately, it could also shatter all my illusions and be merely average, or worse: bad. This is the problem with waiting such a long time for something you love - it may not live up to your expectations and that's almost worse than not getting it at all. Almost.

Less than 48 hours to go. Squee!

43 hours well spent

For the past… week and a half, say, I’ve been almost entirely invested in saving the galaxy. Any moment not spent at work or asleep, I’ve been planning, strategising, negotiating and fighting to keep this universe safe for humanity, and beyond. Last night, at about 2am, that fight came to a head and I emerged victorious! For now.

I am, of course, talking about Mass Effect 2, my new Favourite Game. I became so absorbed in this epic adventure that now that it’s over, I feel slightly without purpose. To be melodramatic, that is.

A massive fan of the original Mass Effect, my late attempt of the sequel was down to my need to contrive a perfect play through to carry into the next game. You see, in the Mass Effect universe, decisions matter. Even small ones. I able to carry my Commander Shepard from the first game over into Mass Effect 2, where she could face the consequences of all her choices. The characters are so engaging that you really do get sucked into that world, with her. In this game (as with the original) I found myself agonising over seemingly insignificant dialogue choices, and second guessing mission resolutions. And by the time the final mission came I could feel my heart in my chest as I watched a band of characters I’d come to love march towards possible doom from which they would not recover. There comes a point that every member of your squad can die a sort of Final Death, which removes them from your team list permanently, and will render them unusable for Mass Effect 3 (or so I assume). Since the days a certain Final Fantasy 7 character’s abrupt demise left me heartbroken, I’ve been aware of how video games can manipulate our emotional attachment to our characters in order to pull the rug from under us, but I can’t recall a game where I’ve allowed myself to invest quite this much. Indeed, the ‘romance’ plotlines allowed between Shepard and certain characters have given me immense amounts of joy. The route I opted for was wonderfully hilarious, awkward, and ultimately very sweet, and I think the word ‘Squee!’ found itself overused on my tweet feed. When you create your character, you become her (or him, though for my money Jennifer Hale is perfection as Shepard). The variety of physical designs offered to your Shepard mean no 2 are the same, to the point where watching someone else on a play through can feel wrong: “who’s that person who has stolen my voice?!” You create her, guide her, and she belongs to you.

I’ll admit I also put off playing the game for a few weeks because I’d heard about a few changes in style and game play which I was unsure about. I’m more of an RPGer than an FPSer, and the original game combined aspects from both to what I felt was great effect. In Mass Effect 2, however, the RPG mechanisms of the game are more subtly integrated, and to me if felt like more of a shooter (though an avid FPSer may not share this view). They are still there in abundance, but the levelling and power systems, as well as the combat controls, feel like a more traditional shooter to me. And yet, it works. Brilliantly. This game has the most enjoyable combat I’ve experienced in a long time. True, there are some button discrepancies which take some getting used to (A is sprint, duck and cover, and climb. You do not want to climb when you should be ducking!) But those are minor niggles. The game play interacts with the storytelling in a way which gets you fully invested in every battle you become involved in. Other RPG elements which are gone from the first game are the ‘world map’ method of exploration. No more must you drive that damn Mako all over the show in a quest for treasures and sub quests (though I confess, I didn’t totally dislike that part of the game; it was just very slow). Now, such things are found by probing planets from orbit. This ‘mining’ activity (probing to find necessary minerals for upgrades) seems to have irked a lot of gamers, but having come straight off the original game, it is a definite improvement.

Anyone who knows me well, or has been following my twitter might say I have become too invested in this game. It is just a game, for goodness sake. It doesn’t quite have the ‘once you make a choice you can’t undo it’ urgency of Heavy Rain: reloading is always an option. And maybe upon reflection, the overall story arc is nothing new to the space adventure genre, but it’s the way this story is told – great writing, awesome voice acting, spectacular game play all contribute to taking an epic event and centring it on characters you really come to care about, then giving you control over their fate. A fate which will (again, we imagine) continue onwards into Mass Effect 3, and where the consequences of your actions will become more apparent. Despite clocking in with an excess of 30 hours game play (I clocked 43 this time), I think people will be playing and replaying in preparation for that perfect setup for the third and final chapter of this series.

Did I get a perfect play through? Almost. One minor character put a snag in my plans, much to my dismay. Beating the game was a bittersweet moment as a result, but no matter.

Import. Load. Start again.

The Pancake Day Movie Event

A lot of people have been commenting on the lack of 'Pancake Day' movies there are, given that there seem to be movies for almost every other holiday. I say, rather than complaining about it, why don't we set some wheels in motion, people? Start pitching!

Here are a few I think could bring in big bucks at the pancake weekend.

The ridiculous Rom-com:

Jeff is a bit of a loser. Not good at sports, not especially handsome, and all the social skills of a hamster in anhiphillactic shock - he's never really found his 'niche' in life.

After being fired from the latest in a long line of dead ends jobs, Jeff finds himself working for peanuts in 'Old Man Joe's Pancake Palace'. The only other staff member is Joe himself, who is mad. Jeff has reached rock bottom. How does he ever expect to sleep with the beautiful and popular Paulina now?

Turns out: Jeff is damn good at making pancakes. Vowing to put Joe's back on the map, Jeff build one of the greatest Pancake Empires the small town of Blooming Great Vally has ever seen. Things are going so well, that the mayor declares that the next Shrove Tuesday will be a festival to honor Jeff's successes. Paulina admits to Jeff that she has fallen in love with him, and the two become entangled in a steamy series of romantic encounters. But being with Paulina seems to have cost Jeff his one skill - he find that he cannot make pancakes anymore!

Jeff, who by this stage has become a father figure to Joe, has his entire future riding on the upcoming pancake festival. Joe has to make a choice between scoring repeatedly with the woman he has lusted after for years, and making the best damn pancakes the world has ever seen:

Pancake Day!


The horror/gross out comedy:

Timmy has always had a weight problem. Fat baby, fat teenager, and now he's one hell of a fat man. But that's OK. He's always said he's rather be happy than thin.

Of course, that's a lie. When a keen scientist buddy of his invents a new super-slim drug, Timmy is first to jump on that band wagon. And it works. It works fantastic. Timmy is thin, fit, healthy and damn sexy. Finally, he is able to bed any woman he wants, wear any outfit he wants, jump on any bouncy castle he wants - with no negative side effects. Fired up by Timmy's success, the drug is pushed through and marketed world wide to critical acclaim. Timmy and his scientist mate are rich!

Sadly, there was one variable his scientist friend hadn't accounted for: maple syrup. In small quantities it does no serious damage, but eat enough of it and it reacts with the drug to form a reaction which causes the victims to gain weight at an alarming rate, turn into a crazed killing machine, then have their stomach explode. What's worse, anyone hit by the intestinal residue automatically becomes infected with the reactive substance and is a ticking time bomb.

With the Pancake Day, the biggest maple syrup selling day of the year, just around the corner, Timmy is in a race against time to save not just himself, but all mankind - even if it means losing the best sex he ever had.

Fat Tuesday!

For the awards contenders:

Mary is a good Catholic girl, growing up in 'Oirland' in the early part of the twentieth century. Raised by an overbearing father, a beaten down but obedient mother, and schooled by nuns, Mary has lead a sheltered existence. In a world where anything not endorsed by the bible is the most wretched of sins, she is trying to find some meaning before her marriage to the tyrannical Joe.

It is here, on the day before Ash Wednesday and the Catholic time of penance and reflection, that she meets Patrick. Orphaned son of a traveller, he is everything Mary is not: outgoing, adventurous, sexual. Through him, Mary learns about a world she never dreamed existed. A world where the sensual overrules the sin and the only word is 'yes'. But these new and dangerous awakened emotions in Mary put her at odds with her family, her betrothed, and the entire institution she has grown up with. Can one day of indulgence bring damnation, or freedom?

Shrove Tuesday.

The B-movie sci-fi/horror:

Everybody loves pancakes, right? Everybody that is, except for Julie. Having come to terms with this affliction years ago, Julie leads a relatively normal life. The only exception being that one day a year when pancakes are mandatory, but then "she just eats tortillas, and no one knows the difference".

But this year, some is very different. 'Ma Koko's Pancake Batter' is all the rage and seems to be driving everybody crazy. Literally. Julie begins to notice strange behaviour from her friends and family as they become obsessed with the delicious new product now filling supermarket shelves.

Further investigation reveals that 'Ma Koko' is actually an evil alien overlord, intent on controlling mankind through brainwashing pancake batter. Julie, as the only pancake hater in existence, is now the only person who can see through her plan and save humanity from certain destruction. But with Pancake Tuesday just around the corner, and an army of brainwashed pancake fiends in her way, can Julie face up to her pancake issues and send these alien SOB's back where they belong before this wonderful holiday is ruined forever?

One will fight, all will remember: Pancake Tuesday.



There, now. I've done my part.

In the mean time, I shall watch Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs and that can be my Pancake Day movie. Better suggestions?

Happy eating.

x

Pancake Day. TOPPINGS!

It's Pancake Day, and I am alone in the flat. You know what that means....

Fizzy wine, and experimental pancake cooking! XD

OK, so not exactly experimental in the 'mixing chillies with ice cream', or 'attempting to create a working hover board' (I'm *this* close) sense, but I did go a bit over the top with my variety this year. I made basic pancake batter (flour, eggs, milk - you know the drill), than went topping crazy. Here is a rundown of pancake toppings 2010. Nom.


Nutella Pancakes. Otherwise known as 'The Usual'. Pretty straight-forward recipe. Pancakes. Spread with Nutella (or generic chocolate paste) while still hot in the pan. Roll. Eat. Delicious.

Bonus: added a few slices of banana. Good times.

Sugar and Lemon Pancakes. The classic. Hard to go wrong with this one really. Pancakes. Drizzle lemon juice, sprinkle sugar. Roll. Eat.

Bonus: put some sugar on the plate for dippin' my pancake ends. Mmmm..... taste the diabetes. :)

Pancakes with Ham and Melted Cheddar Cheese. A savory option for those of you without a sweet tooth. Not a personal fave, but a good dinner alternative. Pancakes. Layer on a few strips of ham wile it's still cooking, add some grated cheese. Fold. Flip. Get that cheese nice and melty. Eat.

Bonus: Trust me on this - adding a drizzle of sweet chili chutney = Nice. Nice.

Pancakes with Maple Syrup. Pancake. Fold. Drizzle with Maple Syrup. Eat. One of the reasons I love Canada, eh?

Bonus: If your maple syrup comes from a fresh tree! (Mine was out a tin. Still good.)

Pancakes with Slices of Apple and Brown Sugar. Otherwise known as 'The Pancakes I Tried to Make When I got Cocky'. Pancakes. Thin sliced apple while still cooking in pan. Sprinkle brown sugar on top. Dash of cinnamon. Fold. Flip. Eat.

Being honest - the apple was not as cooked as it should have been. Still tasted plenty good.

Bonus: Cook your apple properly, where I failed!

Cream and Gummi Pancakes. Or 'The Absurd Pancakes I Made When I Was Feeling Full and Wanted to Mess About With What Was In The Cupboard.' Disaster. Messy. Still think it was a workable idea.

Bonus: If it tastes good.

Pancakes with Broccoli and Mushroom Slices.
....

No, sorry. That one was fake. There is no way in hell.

Happy Shrove Tuesday.

x

An alternate way to spend Valentines Day (Night)

If you are single, alone and pathetic this evening (not that I'm implying being single makes you pathetic, or anything. Hallmark is doing that.) then here are a few suggestions on how to have just as much fun as all those lovers and darlings on this, Saint Valentines Day. Arguably the most important holiday of the calender year.

Remeber, these are only suggestions. Feel free to apply liberal helpings of alcohol, chocolate and icecream whenever possible.

Movie marathon

Can’t face going out into the ether surrounded by courting couples and PDA taken to the extreme, tonight? Easy solution: Order take out, buy in much junk food, and crack open a beer or bottle of wine, then settle in for the night. Stuck for movie choices? Here are some ideas.

Now I know us single girls are almost culturally obligated to break out the Dirty Dancing/Ghost double bill on this most sacred of holidays, but for a Patrick Swayze night with a little more kick, I recommend doubling up on Roadhouse and Point Break. Don’t try to tell me the love shared between Bodie and Johnny Utah doesn’t leave Molly and Sam in the dust!

If some Swayze awesome isn’t to your tastes, some other perfect alternative VD movie choices might be:

The Evil Dead Trilogy. Yep, whether they’re being turned into demonic harpies, pulled into a vortex of evil, or just viciously attacked by a tree, poor ‘Ash’ Williams just doesn’t seem to have much luck with the ladies. However, watching Bruce Campbell doing battle with a host of malevolent entities over the course of three films (from horrific, to amusing, to hilariously bizarre) is a grand way to spend any evening, romantic or otherwise.

“You told me you loved me.”

“That was just pillow talk, baby”.

Classic romance.

Bonus: follow it up with Drag Me To Hell.

If you are feeling properly romantic, or in a sentimental mood, those choices possibly aren’t for you. In which case I recommend going for some good old fashioned love stories. Specifically a True Romance/ WALL – E double bill. A strange pairing, perhaps? But you can’t tell me that Clarence and Alabama, WALL-E and EVE don’t embody the kind of old fashioned romance and true love we’re all supposed to looking for – even robots and hookers can have a happy ending. Guaranteed to leave you feeling warm and fuzzy, and all choked up at the same time.

Get gaming

Maybe tonight isn't the night for passive viewing. Break out your console (s) and get competitive! If you are fortunate enough to have friends, any Wii fit. Wii sports or Mario Kart contest (mixed with a healthy dose of alcohol) is always entertaining.

Feel like venting some aggression response to the fact that you're spending International It Sucks to be Single Day alone? Try playing some Halo. Once those 14 year old eejits start yelling 'hacks' and 'GAY!' into your ear, you'll have a healthy target for all that pent up anger. It's a shooter: shoot!

Tetris is always a reliable option for those of you who'd rather lose themselves in a world of menial triviality for a few hours. Never let the Tetris Gods win - keep going. Remember: you can always do better.

If you want your social life to have a bit more pop, why not try MMORPGing? Sceptics may scoff, but if ever there was a night for trying out that WoW free trial, surely it's now? After all, if you're in contemplating gaming alone on St Valentines day, can you really sink any lower? Besides, anyone who says they wouldn't rather be a Night Elf Druid, with the power to turn into a freaking great BEAR is lying! Join the online party, guy!

Food is Good

If you fancy a more active pass time, get thee to a kitchen. Now is the time to cook all those complicated and indulgent dishes you've only seen on the cover of cooking books. Maybe if you get real good at it, your hooked up mates will let you cook for them next year.

Competition is healthy, and nothing is healthier than a good old fashioned eating contest! Not got anyone to compete against? Well, setting new personal records is the most rewarding challenge of all.

If all else fails...

...and we really aren't having fun yet, you can always ruin everyone else's night.

Take yourself off to one of the fanciest eateries in town, and sit at a table for 2. Alone. Order wine and 2 glasses, and then spend the next few hours watching the door, looking gradually sadder as the night wears on. If a waiter asks you to order, say "No thanks. They'll be here in a minute.", nod at the empty place opposite, and then smile in the direction of a suitably loved up couple. A few hours of this and all anyone will be able to think about is how sad it is for you, thus ruining any romantic mood previously set. If you look pathetic enough, you may even get free bread out of the deal! Sweet.

Can't afford the meal ticket? A similar effect can be created by sitting in the back row of the cinema alone, softly crying into your bucket of jumbo popcorn.

Go forth, and spread the cheer!!!

Happy Valentines Day, one and all!

x